Clingy Phase

Colton has entered what I am calling a "clingy phase". Since I'm a first-time parent and I'm at home all day with him, I sometimes feel concerned that I'm doing something "wrong" when Colton cries every time I walk into the next room (this has just started in the past 2 weeks). First, I thought he was extra fussy and clingy because he was sick, but now he is pretty much over the sickness and I'm still noticing some "separation anxiety" that wasn't there before. Colton used to warm up to anyone, but now he clings to me whenever a stranger or even some family members approach. So, the question arises in my head, "have I made him too dependent on me?". After reading some articles and books, I have learned that this is a normal phase that most babies go through toward the end of their first year. - Insert sigh of relief -

Now that Colton is crawling around, he looks up every few minutes to see if I'm still there. If he can't see me, or if I try to leave, he's starting to become upset. One thing I'm learning with Colton is that he does what he does for a reason. I may not understand his reason just yet, but I know there is one. Maybe his separation anxiety is some kind of a "safety check". As much as he is enjoying his new found ability to get around without the help, mentally and emotionally he is still very dependent on me.

Dr. William Sears, M.D. commented that "sometimes baby's bodies will say go but their minds say no". During the second half of their first year, babies begin a developmental process that Dr. Sears calls "hatching," where they start to realize there's a whole world out there apart from Mom. A baby changes from "Mommy and I are one" to "I'm different from Mommy" to "I'm an individual". In order to achieve healthy independence, Colton must first feel secure that even when he's on his "own", I'm still there to care for him. According to Dr. Sears, a baby who misses the close connection of "Mommy and I are one" usually finds it harder to move into the "me" stage, and if pushed to give up his natural, healthy dependence on his parents too early, he could easily become a clingy, insecure baby. -Insert confusion -

One of the myths about separation anxiety is that it's caused by mothers who are too attached to their babies. This has been a major concern of mine from day one. I've been trying to walk that (so fine) line on caring for Colton but letting him learn independence. After digging into some reading material I was given during my pregnancy, I learned that this myth of separation anxiety is from as far back as the 1920s "spoiling theory", which people believed that holding a baby a lot, feeding on cue and responding to cries would create a clingy, dependent child. But some experts believe that attachment fosters independence, not dependence. Babies who are the most connected early on have such strong trust in their parents that it gives them the confidence to try new things or explore unfamiliar territory.

I guess, like in everything else, babies are just different. Some babies are more sensitive to separation than others, and from what I have found in my reading, it's just a matter of temperament. Laid-back babies seem to play alone more easily and warm up to strangers more quickly, while babies with more intense personalities seem to cling longer and separate more slowly. I'm also learning that both personalities are absolutely normal. All I can do is pay attention to how Colton reacts to new situations and respond with my best judgement. I find it reassuring that other babies are in the same boat as Colton. I read something that stuck with me, it said "Don't confuse the treatment for the condition. You're holding him because he's slow to warm up to strangers; he's not slow to warm up because you hold him".