Freedom

I can remember, at a very young age, feeling God move in me. I loved lyrics to worship songs and felt the music speak to me. I felt like God’s word was alive and very real and could be applied to my life. Growing up in a Christian home and active in church, I had a fear of God. A healthy fear that included the fear of the consequences of disobedience. At age 8, I made the decision to give my life to God and was baptized in Big Creek on Shelton Laurel, my home. On that beautiful March day, with my Pastor and my Daddy by my side and my Momma looking on, what started as a fear of God grew into a personal relationship with Him.

In my walk, I began to understand that giving my life to Him isn’t just focusing on all the things I have to give up or “not do”, it isn’t that God wants to punish me for my shortcomings and mistakes, but it’s actually the opposite – it’s freedom! True rest. True forgiveness and peace. In my experience, living with Christ (and for Christ) is not perfect and not easy. The fact that I gave my life to Christ doesn’t mean that I suddenly stopped hitting walls or seeing obstacles in my way. It doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight with sin anymore (because I definitely do). But now, I know that in every situation, no matter how hard, God is the Lord of it. I know that I don’t fight the sin alone. I know that God is fighting for me and is my ever-present help in times of trouble.

I’ve had moments where I felt like God was far away. I had moved away from Him, seeking my own way. I have made bad choices, I have hurt people, I have hurt myself, I have been selfish and prideful and lost. But, the beautiful thing about having a relationship with the Lord is that He is steady and true and always welcomes us back to freedom. Knowing that God, in his never-ending goodness and love, was (and is) ready to forgive me for all my sins, has changed me forever. I now have an understanding that my identity and my happiness comes from Him alone. I have a deep hope in myself that I never had before.

Coming to God isn’t easy. I have to accept my own sinful nature and be honest with my (ugly) self. We can’t walk with sin and with God. What the world wants and what God wants are two different things. The world wants to point out our faults, hold us down, judge us, taunt us, tempt us and control us. God wants us to be free. In my life, I always cherished the idea of freedom. But, it’s only when I come back to God when I understand how deep His grace is, and only then do I finally feel free.