Parenting Struggles
When I became a parent, I started to view life completely different. Maybe some parents don't, but I would say the majority are with me. Life took on a whole new meaning. I have a whole new priority. I'm responsible for, not only providing for a little person, but for setting a good example in my words and my actions. There's nothing more eye opening for me than to think about how I don't want my child to be, and then see those very faults in my own self.
I have always known that I wanted to be a Mom. I think some people just know that they want that direction for their life. Sometimes, it doesn't work out due to different circumstances and sometimes, when it does work out, it's not what was expected. Even though I was a person who "knew" I wanted kids, there were moments I doubted Parenthood. Was I willing to give up sleep? Was I willing to put someone else's needs before my own? Was I able to provide for this person? Was I willing to give up my freedom/independence? Was I willing to make sacrifices in myself for the better of a child? I wasn't sure! Even to the point of finding out I was pregnant, I just wasn't sure. But as soon as I saw those two lines, there was no doubt in my mind that this was the life for me.
Something I have noticed lately, is that kids are angry and rebellious. Being a good example and providing a secure, safe home for Colton has been weighing on my heart so much lately. Today's kids are angry at rates much higher than any other generation. This generation is the first to do psychologically, socially and economically worse than their parents. The thing is, I don't think they are rebelling against rules and guidelines, this is what I think they are craving. They are rebelling against the lack of structure and adult guidance in their lives. I truly feel that children need to hear the truth, no matter how hard it is to say. Sure we want to protect our children from hurt, but honesty is the best policy. Children are desperate for someone to set guidelines and tell them the truth. I, as a parent, have a responsibility to be that person for my son.
When I think of raising Colton, one word comes to mind. Manners! This is a huge word. So many people have lost the importance of this very simple word. The saying "manners are the outward actions of the inward condition of our hearts" popped in my head. What we do and say comes from our hearts, not our mouths. I see, every day, the standards of respect, as well as the standards of human decency slipping away from our society. When you lose manners, you lose morals. Teaching Colton to have good manners is a top priority for Matt and myself. We see children who don't say "please" or "thank you". Heck, we had kids come to our house on Halloween who walked up to our door, held out their bag for candy, then walked away once they got what they were "entitled to". We watch kids push past "slow old people" in lines and in stores and see children yelling at their parents. It's heartbreaking.
Another word that comes to mind when raising my child is self-esteem. I pray that Colton grows up to be a confident man. I pray that he is sure of who He is and what He wants out of life. I also pray that he learns the difference between self-esteem and self-praise. The teaching of self-esteem is a positive and a negative for our society. The emphasis on "me" has created a society full of people looking out for only themselves rather than others.
As a new parent, I have - already - come to learn that there are negotiable issues (in other words, I have learned to pick my battles) and then there are those issues that are not negotiable. The non-negotiable issues start small, with keeping Colton out of the trash can and toilet, but then they will grow as he develops and has a better understanding of life.
*Moral standards. I started to think that our country's moral standards have changed. Now I don't think it's that the standards have changed as much as the people's attitudes towards the standards have changed. For example, pre-marital sex has always happened, has always been immoral and continues to be, whether or not anyone abides by the standard. This is just one example of the many immoral issues that have become socially accepted.
*Respect for others. I see so many children who are allowed to be disrespectful to adults, and to each other. Sarcasm has become an accepted form of humor these days. No doubt due to TV, comedians, and even cartoons. Putting people down is a way of joking and "put downs" are more and more common in speech between kiddos these days. Putting down anybody but especially elderly people, is one of my biggest pet peeves. Disrespecting elders is just a big fat "no no" in my book.
*TV. I already limit Colton on, not only how much TV he watches, but what he watches. Just because something is labeled a cartoon does not make it appropriate in my house. This is something that I will continue to monitor as Colton gets older. Even if he isn't cool because his mom doesn't let him watch "that show" or go see "that movie", I will continue to do my job and provide guidelines for my child. I pray that I can let go of the worry of being judged because I'm a strict mom and be looked at as a parent who cares. I feel like our society needs more supporters and less judges/ jurors. Being a parent is hard enough without the pressure of outside negativity/guilt.
Being pregnant, I had a totally different set of worries than having Colton here in the world. Now that we are past the infant stage and full force into the toddler years, I have, yet another, set of worries. I am starting to see his personality and his stubbornness. I'm seeing his decision making skills (or lack thereof). I'm seeing how big of an impact my decision-making, tone of voice, actions, reactions and everything in between is having on his life. I'm so much more aware of my surroundings. I'm aware of how people interact with us in the grocery store or how I interact with them. Am I impatient and grumpy, or am i showing my son patience, compassion and understanding? Do I take time to talk to strangers? Do I hold the door for others? Do I say "thank you" when they hold the door for us? Am I respectful of elders and do I encourage Colton to interact with the older generations? These are all questions I ask myself on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Colton is in my care 99.9% of his life. Who has the biggest impact on him at this point? Me! That's a huge responsibility and one that I take very seriously.
I have some horrible days where I get road rage, I lose my temper and raise my voice, I get frustrated and cranky, I speak negatively/rant on bad days but, for the most part, I think I do a pretty good job of interacting in a positive way with people. I hold the door for others, put my shopping buggy back in its place, try to listen to others carefully and openly when they speak, keep my commitment and show respect to elders. I can say that all of these good qualities come from how I was raised. My parents did an amazing job of setting an example for me. I learned that things are just things and people are important. I learned that even if you don't have much, you take care of it, cherish it, and Tend to it so that that little bit will grow. Interaction with my immediate family, alongside my grandparents on a pretty much daily basis, helped me to realize the value of their opinions and their advice. I didn't grow up with an iPad, Xbox, wii, cell phone or much of the TV, so I had time for interaction with people. I think that's what's missing in the lives of our children now, simple interaction. I'm so thankful that Colton has the opportunity to interact with not only Matt and me, but with elders. He interacts with his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even his great-grandparents. What better way to learn respect for your elders then to grow up loving and interacting with them?
Yesterday, I was feeling tired and missing my social interaction and "freedom". I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking of all the things I was missing out on for myself. Things like the freedom to go shopping for myself at the spur of the moment. Not in between nap time, lunchtime, dirty diapers and melt downs, with a cranky toddler in tow. Things like dressing up and meeting my friends for a night of fun eating out, bowling, or dancing. Things like my pre-baby body and feeling like I never have time to focus on getting it back where I want it, not that it will go there even if I try. Things like sleeping in past 6AM, or sleeping through the night, period. Then, this morning happened. I had my ipod playing in the kitchen and my little guy, who loves music and dancing, kept tugging at my pant leg as I was washing dishes. I looked down and he gave me this huge grin and raised his hands up to the sky. I stopped what I was doing, picked him up and he hugged my neck. We danced and laughed through a fast song and part of another one. A slow song came on, and he laid his little head on my shoulder and just held me. Yes, my toddler was holding me. All was right in the world.
So, maybe I've given up a version of fun and "freedom" but I have gained the upgraded version. It's little moments, like this morning, that make me realize that getting all dressed up for a night out dancing with my friends doesn't hold a candle to the morning in my robe and pajama pants, dancing with my son in the middle of our dirty kitchen.
I thank God for guiding me, loving me, forgiving me and encouraging me at just the right moments!
I have always known that I wanted to be a Mom. I think some people just know that they want that direction for their life. Sometimes, it doesn't work out due to different circumstances and sometimes, when it does work out, it's not what was expected. Even though I was a person who "knew" I wanted kids, there were moments I doubted Parenthood. Was I willing to give up sleep? Was I willing to put someone else's needs before my own? Was I able to provide for this person? Was I willing to give up my freedom/independence? Was I willing to make sacrifices in myself for the better of a child? I wasn't sure! Even to the point of finding out I was pregnant, I just wasn't sure. But as soon as I saw those two lines, there was no doubt in my mind that this was the life for me.
Something I have noticed lately, is that kids are angry and rebellious. Being a good example and providing a secure, safe home for Colton has been weighing on my heart so much lately. Today's kids are angry at rates much higher than any other generation. This generation is the first to do psychologically, socially and economically worse than their parents. The thing is, I don't think they are rebelling against rules and guidelines, this is what I think they are craving. They are rebelling against the lack of structure and adult guidance in their lives. I truly feel that children need to hear the truth, no matter how hard it is to say. Sure we want to protect our children from hurt, but honesty is the best policy. Children are desperate for someone to set guidelines and tell them the truth. I, as a parent, have a responsibility to be that person for my son.
When I think of raising Colton, one word comes to mind. Manners! This is a huge word. So many people have lost the importance of this very simple word. The saying "manners are the outward actions of the inward condition of our hearts" popped in my head. What we do and say comes from our hearts, not our mouths. I see, every day, the standards of respect, as well as the standards of human decency slipping away from our society. When you lose manners, you lose morals. Teaching Colton to have good manners is a top priority for Matt and myself. We see children who don't say "please" or "thank you". Heck, we had kids come to our house on Halloween who walked up to our door, held out their bag for candy, then walked away once they got what they were "entitled to". We watch kids push past "slow old people" in lines and in stores and see children yelling at their parents. It's heartbreaking.
Another word that comes to mind when raising my child is self-esteem. I pray that Colton grows up to be a confident man. I pray that he is sure of who He is and what He wants out of life. I also pray that he learns the difference between self-esteem and self-praise. The teaching of self-esteem is a positive and a negative for our society. The emphasis on "me" has created a society full of people looking out for only themselves rather than others.
As a new parent, I have - already - come to learn that there are negotiable issues (in other words, I have learned to pick my battles) and then there are those issues that are not negotiable. The non-negotiable issues start small, with keeping Colton out of the trash can and toilet, but then they will grow as he develops and has a better understanding of life.
*Moral standards. I started to think that our country's moral standards have changed. Now I don't think it's that the standards have changed as much as the people's attitudes towards the standards have changed. For example, pre-marital sex has always happened, has always been immoral and continues to be, whether or not anyone abides by the standard. This is just one example of the many immoral issues that have become socially accepted.
*Respect for others. I see so many children who are allowed to be disrespectful to adults, and to each other. Sarcasm has become an accepted form of humor these days. No doubt due to TV, comedians, and even cartoons. Putting people down is a way of joking and "put downs" are more and more common in speech between kiddos these days. Putting down anybody but especially elderly people, is one of my biggest pet peeves. Disrespecting elders is just a big fat "no no" in my book.
*TV. I already limit Colton on, not only how much TV he watches, but what he watches. Just because something is labeled a cartoon does not make it appropriate in my house. This is something that I will continue to monitor as Colton gets older. Even if he isn't cool because his mom doesn't let him watch "that show" or go see "that movie", I will continue to do my job and provide guidelines for my child. I pray that I can let go of the worry of being judged because I'm a strict mom and be looked at as a parent who cares. I feel like our society needs more supporters and less judges/ jurors. Being a parent is hard enough without the pressure of outside negativity/guilt.
Being pregnant, I had a totally different set of worries than having Colton here in the world. Now that we are past the infant stage and full force into the toddler years, I have, yet another, set of worries. I am starting to see his personality and his stubbornness. I'm seeing his decision making skills (or lack thereof). I'm seeing how big of an impact my decision-making, tone of voice, actions, reactions and everything in between is having on his life. I'm so much more aware of my surroundings. I'm aware of how people interact with us in the grocery store or how I interact with them. Am I impatient and grumpy, or am i showing my son patience, compassion and understanding? Do I take time to talk to strangers? Do I hold the door for others? Do I say "thank you" when they hold the door for us? Am I respectful of elders and do I encourage Colton to interact with the older generations? These are all questions I ask myself on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Colton is in my care 99.9% of his life. Who has the biggest impact on him at this point? Me! That's a huge responsibility and one that I take very seriously.
I have some horrible days where I get road rage, I lose my temper and raise my voice, I get frustrated and cranky, I speak negatively/rant on bad days but, for the most part, I think I do a pretty good job of interacting in a positive way with people. I hold the door for others, put my shopping buggy back in its place, try to listen to others carefully and openly when they speak, keep my commitment and show respect to elders. I can say that all of these good qualities come from how I was raised. My parents did an amazing job of setting an example for me. I learned that things are just things and people are important. I learned that even if you don't have much, you take care of it, cherish it, and Tend to it so that that little bit will grow. Interaction with my immediate family, alongside my grandparents on a pretty much daily basis, helped me to realize the value of their opinions and their advice. I didn't grow up with an iPad, Xbox, wii, cell phone or much of the TV, so I had time for interaction with people. I think that's what's missing in the lives of our children now, simple interaction. I'm so thankful that Colton has the opportunity to interact with not only Matt and me, but with elders. He interacts with his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even his great-grandparents. What better way to learn respect for your elders then to grow up loving and interacting with them?
Yesterday, I was feeling tired and missing my social interaction and "freedom". I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking of all the things I was missing out on for myself. Things like the freedom to go shopping for myself at the spur of the moment. Not in between nap time, lunchtime, dirty diapers and melt downs, with a cranky toddler in tow. Things like dressing up and meeting my friends for a night of fun eating out, bowling, or dancing. Things like my pre-baby body and feeling like I never have time to focus on getting it back where I want it, not that it will go there even if I try. Things like sleeping in past 6AM, or sleeping through the night, period. Then, this morning happened. I had my ipod playing in the kitchen and my little guy, who loves music and dancing, kept tugging at my pant leg as I was washing dishes. I looked down and he gave me this huge grin and raised his hands up to the sky. I stopped what I was doing, picked him up and he hugged my neck. We danced and laughed through a fast song and part of another one. A slow song came on, and he laid his little head on my shoulder and just held me. Yes, my toddler was holding me. All was right in the world.
So, maybe I've given up a version of fun and "freedom" but I have gained the upgraded version. It's little moments, like this morning, that make me realize that getting all dressed up for a night out dancing with my friends doesn't hold a candle to the morning in my robe and pajama pants, dancing with my son in the middle of our dirty kitchen.
I thank God for guiding me, loving me, forgiving me and encouraging me at just the right moments!
Too many parents buy gadgets as a babysitting method. Interaction is what kids need. They might enjoy the gadgets' but time with parents Is what they want. We raised 3 fantastic kids (precudice) without gadgets, but we sure had fun. Obviously we done something right. Look at the spouses they picked. Love all my kids in laws.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I know you don't like me posting anonymous,but I don't know how else to do it. I don't see an option to put my name on it. This is Mike Neal and I approve of this message.