Running on Empty (some days)

I have been struggling with my emotions this week, more than normal. I know that the election played a huge role in most of these emotions (and because I promised myself I wouldn’t blog about politics, I’ll leave it at that), but the “little stuff” has really added up this week.

On Monday, I had an appointment with Dr. Woods and we talked about “life after pregnancy” and the many decisions that come once Colton is born. Who will be his pediatrician, will we circumcise, will I breast or bottle feed and the list goes on. Of course, I’ve thought about these things, but discussing them on Monday really made me realize how close we are to his arrival. Dr. Woods also told me to cut back on my hours at work. Between a 10 hour work day (including the drive), PartyLite shows, getting everything organized and ready for baby Colton and teaching clogging a couple of nights a week, I’m struggling with the fact that I just have to admit, I’m tired and can’t do it all!

Mostly, I get emotional when I remember how blessed I am. I complain about being tired and having so much to do but I’m so thankful to have the opportunity to do all those things and to have a warm house, a reliable vehicle, a good job, a healthy baby, great health, a loving support system and so much more than I could ever ask for. I get so mad at myself for feeling discouraged and overwhelmed when I know I could have it so much worse. There are so many people who are without a house, un-employed (or under employed), sickly, without love and struggling to make it. There are days where I can face the world with my head high, feeling powerful and positive and ready for anything and then there are days (like this week) when I feel like I’m breaking down and losing it.

So this week, I’ve learned a lot. There are so many things I can’t control, and just because I can’t control them, doesn’t mean they aren’t good for me. God is in control, and I have to remember that He has the ultimate plan for my life. I think – this week – I have just been feeling overwhelmed by the thought of raising a child in our country today. But, even when I feel overwhelmed, I’m very sure of what I want our child to know. I want our child to know that God is good and if we put our trust in Him, He will provide.