Relationships

I wake up some mornings and wonder, “what is our world going to be like today?”. I see so many stories come across my news feed and hear so many hurtful, violent and terrible things on the news. I realize that when dealing with people, you have all sorts of opinions, beliefs, actions and reactions. Ultimately, when dealing with people, it’s just hard. Sometimes even within our own friendships and families, it’s a big, huge mess! I wish this world was perfect. I wish we could just all be at peace. But, the reality is that relationships with people can be the hardest thing in the world to navigate.

There’s a very important promise I have tried to make to myself over the past several months, regarding my relationships with people: I will do my best to live at peace within myself and with others by speaking the truth, leading by positive example and letting go of things I cannot change.

When being in a relationship, I’m learning that I have to allow myself to be vulnerable without being a “doormat”. It’s tough because when I choose to be in a relationship with someone, whether it be professionally or personally, feelings will get hurt (I have been on both sides of that), misunderstandings will happen and apologies only go as far as actions support.

From my natural standpoint, I am bent toward being a people pleaser. I want to help make everybody happy. Sometimes, that means that I, myself, am lacking happiness, joy and fulfillment. It’s hard to find that point of loving others (as God loves) and still staying true to myself.

I’ve been praying SO MUCH over my relationships lately. I’ve been praying for my marriage, my mother-son relationship, my business relationships, my friendships and every other “contact” I have with others on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes, I have to write things down. I have to see them on paper to help me understand/absorb/learn/grow! I have summarized a few points that I feel God has been speaking strongly to me about, regarding my relationships.

1. I will grow in loving myself so that I can fulfill God’s call to "love my neighbor as myself".  My issues with and toward others stem from issues within myself.

2. I will work to always speak the truth in love, not in resentment/frustration/hurt. Back to the basics – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Once a stone is thrown, you can’t take it back!

3. I will not assume anything bad about someone’s past, because when I assume the worst about someone I will never help bring out the best in them.

4. I will hold short accounts.  There is no reason for me to continually revisit things I say are over.  If I revisit these things, I have never truly forgiven.

5. I will look for the potential in everyone.  People saw potential in me and I believe that EVERYBODY deserves to have somebody believe in them.

6. I will not base my opinion about someone on what others say, but will take the time to get to know them personally.

7. I will be willing to invest into the lives of anyone who will allow me and never take for granted that opportunity or that person.

8. I will celebrate victories and success with people and not become jealous or upset when those I have invested in surpass me in recognition/position/rewards.

9. I will allow others to correct me, hold me accountable, and tell me “NO.”  I do not need “YES” people surrounding me. It will be hard and my pride will have to take a backseat – I welcome and encourage confrontation when I need it.

10. I will try harder to “guard my tongue” and watch my sarcasm, knowing that (at times) there is hurtful meaning behind my words.  

None of these "things" will be easy but I know that all of them are absolutely necessary for growing my relationships. Praying for relationships can be tough. It's like praying for "patience". God doesn't just say "bibbity bobbity boo - here's your patience", instead he puts circumstances in our lives and situations that push us to become more patient. Working through the situations and the hardships help us to grow our patience and it also helps us become more accountable for our actions. I love people.  I love relationships. I will continue to pray for my relationships because I value them enough to do my part to make them the best they can be.