Stop.Look.Listen
My Mom sent me a link to "Scary Mommy". It's a blog written by Annie Reneau. The blog post was titled "Sometimes I Cry". I did cry - reading it. With all of the emotions I have been feeling lately, I truly felt like I could've written that myself! It was everything I have been trying to spit out of myself over the past few weeks!
I love how she says, "I cry little one, because the world's so big and you're so small...I cry because you're so big and I'm so small". Ugh, just thinking about the words she writes, makes me feel all teary eyed again. I've been struggling with Colton finding his independence and finding where I fit into everything! Annie writes "Sometimes I cry because in the process of gaining you, I gave up a version of me, and though I wouldn’t change that even if I could, sometimes I miss me desperately.". This just hit me so hard. This is me! Right now...this.is.me!
It's been a roller coaster for me again the past week or so. Matt working longer hours has left Colton and me to ourselves for more hours during the day/evening. Combine that with the fact that we're all tired and missing each other, it just explodes sometimes. I hit a point where I just knew that Colton needed to go into some type of daycare for a few hours a week. I was pretty sure it was what would be good for him (playing and interacting with other kids, being away from Mom, etc...) and me (getting a few hours to clean, laundry and just catch up on just "me stuff"). Matt and I have talked about it, we have weighed the options, we have researched, we have prayed about it and I was lead to Noah's Ark, the daycare facility through the First Church of God. I went in to Noah's Ark and got all the paperwork I needed, brought it home and filled it out. I wasn't 100% sure on following through, but I was at about 97%.
Last week, I reached out to a Mom Group in town to see if there were any other Mommas who had kiddos around Colton's age! I wanted to get out and let him play and interact and to be honest, I wanted the same thing. A couple of really nice women reached back out to me and invited Colton and me to some play dates. I was able to meet up with them a few times this past week and I was really surprised at how just a couple of hours, interacting with other Moms who are going through what I'm going through, helped me to feel more at ease.
I had a meeting on Tuesday to get Colton enrolled in daycare. I went in, met the administrator, the teachers in his class, I saw his classroom, I saw where he would nap and eat lunch and play outside. I went through the sickness policy, the pick up and drop off policy, I went through everything, said "okay, we're all set for Monday" and I left. I got in the car and I cried. I didn't want to do it. Not only was I not ready to expose him to all of that just yet, but it doesn't make sense, financially, for us to pay for those few hours just so I can "have a break"!
I think God put these women, from the Mom's group, into my life this week for a reason. It's been a great outlet for Colton and myself, without feeling like I'm spending money to "send him away for a few hours"! I love C and he's so much fun, he is just a REALLY. BUSY. BOY! I mean, if you're around him for 10 minutes, you can tell that he is all boy and all go...full throttle or nothing. I love that about him, but goodness, he makes this Momma tired.
God has a way of showing us which path is for us - we just have to stop, look and listen!
I love how she says, "I cry little one, because the world's so big and you're so small...I cry because you're so big and I'm so small". Ugh, just thinking about the words she writes, makes me feel all teary eyed again. I've been struggling with Colton finding his independence and finding where I fit into everything! Annie writes "Sometimes I cry because in the process of gaining you, I gave up a version of me, and though I wouldn’t change that even if I could, sometimes I miss me desperately.". This just hit me so hard. This is me! Right now...this.is.me!
It's been a roller coaster for me again the past week or so. Matt working longer hours has left Colton and me to ourselves for more hours during the day/evening. Combine that with the fact that we're all tired and missing each other, it just explodes sometimes. I hit a point where I just knew that Colton needed to go into some type of daycare for a few hours a week. I was pretty sure it was what would be good for him (playing and interacting with other kids, being away from Mom, etc...) and me (getting a few hours to clean, laundry and just catch up on just "me stuff"). Matt and I have talked about it, we have weighed the options, we have researched, we have prayed about it and I was lead to Noah's Ark, the daycare facility through the First Church of God. I went in to Noah's Ark and got all the paperwork I needed, brought it home and filled it out. I wasn't 100% sure on following through, but I was at about 97%.
Last week, I reached out to a Mom Group in town to see if there were any other Mommas who had kiddos around Colton's age! I wanted to get out and let him play and interact and to be honest, I wanted the same thing. A couple of really nice women reached back out to me and invited Colton and me to some play dates. I was able to meet up with them a few times this past week and I was really surprised at how just a couple of hours, interacting with other Moms who are going through what I'm going through, helped me to feel more at ease.
I had a meeting on Tuesday to get Colton enrolled in daycare. I went in, met the administrator, the teachers in his class, I saw his classroom, I saw where he would nap and eat lunch and play outside. I went through the sickness policy, the pick up and drop off policy, I went through everything, said "okay, we're all set for Monday" and I left. I got in the car and I cried. I didn't want to do it. Not only was I not ready to expose him to all of that just yet, but it doesn't make sense, financially, for us to pay for those few hours just so I can "have a break"!
I think God put these women, from the Mom's group, into my life this week for a reason. It's been a great outlet for Colton and myself, without feeling like I'm spending money to "send him away for a few hours"! I love C and he's so much fun, he is just a REALLY. BUSY. BOY! I mean, if you're around him for 10 minutes, you can tell that he is all boy and all go...full throttle or nothing. I love that about him, but goodness, he makes this Momma tired.
God has a way of showing us which path is for us - we just have to stop, look and listen!
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