Thursday Morning (it sucked)
Y'all, this morning was a complete disaster. Ryleigh was up all night with the croupy croup so I woke up tired. It was Colton's first day back to school and he slept in (which never happens). I decided to let him sleep and just wake him up about 10 minutes before we had to hit the door. I thought we could manage to eat a breakfast bar, brush teeth, get dressed and out the door in 10 minutes. We can't.
Poor Colton. I rushed him through everything. From the time he opened his sleepy little eyes, I was rushing him. Get up. Go eat. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. Blah, blah, blah. I poured him milk in a "big boy cup" because I was too lazy (and in too much of a hurry) to put a lid on anything and said "don't carry that cup around, you could spill your milk". Sure enough, 3 seconds later I'm yelling about spilled milk all over the living room rug to a sweet little face, standing there in shock that his milk was all over the rug. It wasn't his fault, but I yelled anyway.
I'm just grouchy at this point. Super grouchy and short with both the kids. We finally get in the car and on our way to school and C says "ya know Mommmy, I love school but I sure miss you when I'm there". I wanted to lose it. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I just rushed this kid around and yelled at him for spilling milk and he tells me he misses me when he's not with me. I wanted to turn my car around and just take him back home and love on him. I took him in to school and dropped him off and as soon as I got back in my car, I did lose it. I cried the entire ride home.
What kind of a Mom am I? What kind of Mom wakes up yelling at her kids? Well, I'm a real one. I'm a Mom who loves her kids with every inch of my soul but sometimes loses it and yells. I'm a Mom who gives my kid breakfast bars because I ran out of time to scramble some eggs. I'm the kind of Mom who packs PB&J for school lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY (not because it's just easy, but because it's my 4 year-old's favorite meal and if he wants PB&J while he's away from me, then he gets PB&J). I'm the kind of Mom who lays in bed at night wondering if I'm good enough, strong enough, smart enough and tough enough to keep these kids alive. I'm the kind of Mom who strives for progress not perfection. I'm the kind of Mom who doesn't worry about fitting molds and following the books.
I make mistakes and I admit them. I am not afraid of sharing my failures. I want other Moms (and Dads) out there to know that I yell at my kids sometimes. Does it make me a bad parent? I don't think so. I equally love my children and would hurt you if you were to yell at them (maybe I wouldn't hurt you, but I would mean mug you pretty bad).
The truth. The truth is that I knew after being up with Ryleigh all night, that I wasn't going to the gym today. I knew as soon as I woke up and heard that cough, that I was going to be caring for a sick kiddo all day. Selfishly, I was mad because I want to go to the gym. I want to get back on a normal schedule and get back on "MY" routine. That set the tone for my mental game this morning. It was all downhill from there. It wasn't Ryleigh's fault that she was sick. It wasn't Colton's fault that I let him sleep too long. It wasn't any body's fault but my own.
On my drive home, "Because He Lives" by Matt Maher was on the radio. If you haven't heard this song, give it a listen. It is so powerful. Those words cut right through my tears this morning. I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I am forgiven.
Poor Colton. I rushed him through everything. From the time he opened his sleepy little eyes, I was rushing him. Get up. Go eat. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. Blah, blah, blah. I poured him milk in a "big boy cup" because I was too lazy (and in too much of a hurry) to put a lid on anything and said "don't carry that cup around, you could spill your milk". Sure enough, 3 seconds later I'm yelling about spilled milk all over the living room rug to a sweet little face, standing there in shock that his milk was all over the rug. It wasn't his fault, but I yelled anyway.
I'm just grouchy at this point. Super grouchy and short with both the kids. We finally get in the car and on our way to school and C says "ya know Mommmy, I love school but I sure miss you when I'm there". I wanted to lose it. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I just rushed this kid around and yelled at him for spilling milk and he tells me he misses me when he's not with me. I wanted to turn my car around and just take him back home and love on him. I took him in to school and dropped him off and as soon as I got back in my car, I did lose it. I cried the entire ride home.
What kind of a Mom am I? What kind of Mom wakes up yelling at her kids? Well, I'm a real one. I'm a Mom who loves her kids with every inch of my soul but sometimes loses it and yells. I'm a Mom who gives my kid breakfast bars because I ran out of time to scramble some eggs. I'm the kind of Mom who packs PB&J for school lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY (not because it's just easy, but because it's my 4 year-old's favorite meal and if he wants PB&J while he's away from me, then he gets PB&J). I'm the kind of Mom who lays in bed at night wondering if I'm good enough, strong enough, smart enough and tough enough to keep these kids alive. I'm the kind of Mom who strives for progress not perfection. I'm the kind of Mom who doesn't worry about fitting molds and following the books.
I make mistakes and I admit them. I am not afraid of sharing my failures. I want other Moms (and Dads) out there to know that I yell at my kids sometimes. Does it make me a bad parent? I don't think so. I equally love my children and would hurt you if you were to yell at them (maybe I wouldn't hurt you, but I would mean mug you pretty bad).
The truth. The truth is that I knew after being up with Ryleigh all night, that I wasn't going to the gym today. I knew as soon as I woke up and heard that cough, that I was going to be caring for a sick kiddo all day. Selfishly, I was mad because I want to go to the gym. I want to get back on a normal schedule and get back on "MY" routine. That set the tone for my mental game this morning. It was all downhill from there. It wasn't Ryleigh's fault that she was sick. It wasn't Colton's fault that I let him sleep too long. It wasn't any body's fault but my own.
On my drive home, "Because He Lives" by Matt Maher was on the radio. If you haven't heard this song, give it a listen. It is so powerful. Those words cut right through my tears this morning. I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I am forgiven.
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