Rocking Chair
Tonight, I rocked Colton to sleep for the first time in months (maybe even a year). He's always loved being rocked but he has never been one to actually fall asleep in my arms. Given his length, my growing belly and our effort to have him "soothe" himself to sleep, rocking him isn't something I've been doing. But tonight, I rocked him. Not because I had to, not because I needed to, not because it was the "easy" thing to do...I did it because I wanted to.
I feel like I've gotten so caught up in the fact that we have a new baby coming and I "need" Colton to be able to put himself to sleep (and sleep all night), I "need" Colton to be completely rid of his paci, I "need" Colton to play by himself for parts of the day, I "need" Colton to be potty trained, I "need" Colton to be good in he grocery store, I "need" Colton do this or to do that. It's exhausting. He's 2 years old. What I NEED for Colton to do is feel loved, happy, safe and secure. That's it.
Being a parent is a hard job whether you work or stay home full time. I'm not going to play the "I'm a stay at home Mom and it's so hard" card, but I will say that taking care of a person's needs 24/7 can really get emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting. It's so easy for me to look at moments and see them as chores and "routine" when it's really memories in the making. I think I realized that tonight. I realized that there will be a night when Colton tells me that he doesn't need (or want) me to rock him or lay down with him until he falls asleep. There will be a night when he doesn't want to read books in his bed and talk to me about crazy (made-up) stories and sing "twinkle, twinkle little star. Sometimes, I want to rush these things and just go through the motions to get him to sleep so that I can have a minute of free time to myself (to give myself a bath and brush my own teeth), but tonight I soaked it all in. Tonight, holding my sweet boy in that rocking chair, I saw in his eyes that he did in fact feel loved, happy, safe and secure.
I feel like I've gotten so caught up in the fact that we have a new baby coming and I "need" Colton to be able to put himself to sleep (and sleep all night), I "need" Colton to be completely rid of his paci, I "need" Colton to play by himself for parts of the day, I "need" Colton to be potty trained, I "need" Colton to be good in he grocery store, I "need" Colton do this or to do that. It's exhausting. He's 2 years old. What I NEED for Colton to do is feel loved, happy, safe and secure. That's it.
Being a parent is a hard job whether you work or stay home full time. I'm not going to play the "I'm a stay at home Mom and it's so hard" card, but I will say that taking care of a person's needs 24/7 can really get emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting. It's so easy for me to look at moments and see them as chores and "routine" when it's really memories in the making. I think I realized that tonight. I realized that there will be a night when Colton tells me that he doesn't need (or want) me to rock him or lay down with him until he falls asleep. There will be a night when he doesn't want to read books in his bed and talk to me about crazy (made-up) stories and sing "twinkle, twinkle little star. Sometimes, I want to rush these things and just go through the motions to get him to sleep so that I can have a minute of free time to myself (to give myself a bath and brush my own teeth), but tonight I soaked it all in. Tonight, holding my sweet boy in that rocking chair, I saw in his eyes that he did in fact feel loved, happy, safe and secure.
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