Dear Colton

My Dear Colton Bear,

I realize that it will be many years before you can read this letter and probably many more -after that- before you understand why I’m writing it. When you look back on your life, there is a great chance that you won’t remember this first year. You probably won’t remember all you have accomplished, where you traveled, who you met or what you have taught others (especially me) but I hope you remember how much you are loved.

It’s really hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that it’s been a year since I was lying (uncomfortably) in a hospital bed waiting on you to show up. From the second I laid eyes on you, I knew my life was changed forever. This past year has been such a blessing and I can only hope it was half as good of year for you as it was for your Daddy and me.

This year has been full of so many wonderful moments. One of the biggest blessings for me this year was when we made the decision for me to stay at home with you. To say that -your Daddy and- I don’t have to make sacrifices to compensate for this decision would be a lie, but to say it’s not worth it would be a bigger lie. You are worth every sacrifice I could ever imagine. I can’t explain how awesome it is to watch you grow, explore and learn. I’m so thankful that being your Mom is my “job” every single day.

I could tell early on, that you were going to be a serious-minded, determined, independent little guy. It wasn’t until you started developing a little more that your funny personality began to show. At times, you are quite the comedian. As a one year old, you love dogs – all kinds. You have 8 teeth and have had 3 haircuts. While I’m talking about haircuts, I’ll be honest. The latest hair cut you got, I gave you and it’s way shorter than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry if you look back on the pictures and think “why did Mom let me wear my hair like that?”. You love wheels, Mickey Mouse, books and playing in the cabinets in the kitchen island. You have natural rhythm and absolutely love music. You are walking pretty well now and love to  say “uh oh”. Along with “uh-oh” your favorite words are “da-da, ma-ma, banjo and dog”. I think if you could live outside you would be happiest. You have the cutest dimple when you smile, you grind your teeth really bad (Daddy just told me that he did it when he was little, too), you have a belly laugh that makes me smile even when I’m in a bad mood and you have a kind nature about you that makes my heart happy.

Colton, buddy, you have taught me so much this year. You taught me that love is strong enough to fight any battle. You taught me that it is possible to pick somebody else’s boogers and actually celebrate getting them out successfully. You taught me that I can clean up vomit and poop and actually not vomit myself. You have taught me what it means to put someone before myself and that, before you, I was a selfish person. You are teaching me patience and understanding. Every day, you teach me that I am not a perfect person but you, in your own little way, let me know that it’s okay and -together-  we move past those imperfections and grow. This year, you have taught me how to survive on little to no sleep, and how to change a diaper with my eyes closed (due to lack of sleep)! You have done something that nobody else could manage to do-you have made me a safer driver. I no longer text & drive, I wear my seat belt and I don’t tailgate – thank you! There are so many things that you have helped me to learn over the past year but above everything else, you have taught me what it means to love unconditionally and without expectation.

Today, you are one year old! We did it! We survived. I pray that you stay observant, that you continue your love of books and learning and that you remain curious yet cautious. I pray that you follow God’s plan for your life and that you seek Him. I pray that you grow into a strong, confident, Godly man. My hope for you is that you can (and will) let your light shine in this –sometimes- dark world. I hope that you will encourage people, set a good example, walk with dignity, be strong for those who can’t be strong themselves and respect all people as individuals. Over the next years of your life, so many things will change but I want you to know that, no matter what happens in this uncertain world, one thing will stay the same, I will love you unconditionally!

Happy 1^st Birthday sweet, little man! I love you.

xoxo,

Mommy