Gratitude

There are less than 50 days left in this year. In this decade. 10 years (almost) gone by. I spent the past 1.5 years doing a lot of soul work. Digging in to who I really am. So many factors play in to who we are. There are so many layers to work through to get down to the real and raw of it. The journey of the past year has motivated me to be more present, while also moving forward with intention. 

During the month of November, I have been challenging myself to look for (and give recognition to) things that I am thankful for. Complaining is natural and easy. It takes no forethought to complain. Gratitude is the opposite. It takes being intentional. It means training my mind to look for the good in all things and being content with what I have. This isn't always easy and I do not have this perfected. But, what I am realizing is that contentment is a choice that I can choose every single day.  

This gratitude challenge was sparked by my desire to be more joyful. I spent so many years allowing my circumstances and expectations to dictate my happiness and at the end of the day I was left feeling drained, unhappy, moody, resentful and bitter. Learned behavior isn't changed over night. It takes lots and lots of practice to reverse. It takes putting a plan in place with tangible steps to work on. Over the past year, I have been taking steps to work on changing my learned behavior and I want to share some of  those steps with you. Again, I am no pro. I am not a therapist, psychologist, trainer or advisor. I am simply a woman seeking a healthier, happier life. And who knows, maybe one (or two) of these steps will stir something in you. 

1. Enrolling in Re|engage. Last year, Matt and I had a serious conversation about our marriage and what we wanted it to look like. To be candid, we were not thriving and we didn't have the communication skills we needed to move forward in a healthy way. We had to be honest with ourselves and each other and made the decision to seek help and attend the marriage ministry course. I will forever be grateful for what this 18 weeks did for our marriage (and for me personally). It opened up so many conversations that we were never able to have, connected me with an elder woman mentor/prayer partner and ultimately put the desire in my heart to dig deep.

2. I started serving at church. Serving with our church family on Sunday mornings has brought so much joy into my life and I feel so much more connected. We are not made to be who we are to serve only ourselves. As we allow the Gospel to change our hearts, we will develop a deep care for other people. Our attention will begin to turn away from ourselves and to the needs of others. A good measure of our spiritual health is our depth of concern for other people. Eventually, our hearts are so in tune with what Jesus is doing around us, He begins to use us to meet the needs of others. Every week I am given the opportunity to practice putting my attention less on myself and more on others. 

3. I started praying. Really praying. Not just on Sunday morning or when somebody is sick or for something big. I started praying for everything. I read books on prayer. I asked people to pray for (and with) me. I started understanding that prayer isn't just about asking for God's blessing (though I do that too) but more about communicating with the living God. Without communication, relationships fall apart. Our relationship with God suffers when we don't communicate with Him. I am continuing to work towards making prayer my first response, not my last resort. 

Growth used to be scary to me. It meant change (and I don't do change well). But I'm learning that growth is amazing. It's an ongoing process of understanding myself in order to reach my fullest potential. Learned behavior may be hard to change but it's not impossible. I'm excited to head into a new decade with this fire inside me. A fire to live my very best life by being (truly) content with all that God has provided.