Love and Grief
It's been over a year since I visited this place. A place where I used to come daily and spill my thoughts. It's funny how different seasons bring different needs. Several years ago, I was deep in the trenches of new motherhood and this little blog was a place that I needed, a way to express what was on my mind (and heart). Some seasons we need to let it out. Then, I found myself in a season where I needed to process, self reflect, seek guidance and keep it all in. Learning to lean in to and respect each season has been good, although challenging, for me.
So why am I hear today? Because I'm back to a place where writing out my thoughts brings comfort (and some joy). Maybe it's because my kids are getting bigger and I have more free time. Maybe it's because my birthday is next week and I'm inching closer to 40. Maybe it's because I don't have a journal so these are my pages where I can come back to re-read, remember and reflect. Whatever the reason, I'm following my gut and picking this back up...for a season.
Two years ago (tomorrow), my Papaw Bishop passed away. It happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly that it took almost a year to fully process and then another year to actually grieve. So much has happened in that two years. Visiting with my Mamaw today, the eve of Papaw's death anniversary, brought so many un-expected emotions. Maybe that is the reason why I needed to come back to this place, to process some of those emotions through writing. He was such a huge part of my life (and I could (and probably will) write a whole page dedicated to his memory) but one of the hardest parts of losing him has been watching my Mamaw navigate life without him. When two people are married for almost 60 years, that's a lifetime of memories, habits, comfort, security and love.
Today, as I was visiting with my Mamaw, I was reminded of two things. One, the power of love and two, the healing power of grief. To feel the sadness that Mamaw feels in the loss of my Papaw means that she loved deeply. How lucky is she to have experienced a love like that. Love never ends, even in death. Grief is a little less gentle but if we allow ourselves to experience it, in full, it has the power to heal our deepest wounds.
So why am I hear today? Because I'm back to a place where writing out my thoughts brings comfort (and some joy). Maybe it's because my kids are getting bigger and I have more free time. Maybe it's because my birthday is next week and I'm inching closer to 40. Maybe it's because I don't have a journal so these are my pages where I can come back to re-read, remember and reflect. Whatever the reason, I'm following my gut and picking this back up...for a season.
Two years ago (tomorrow), my Papaw Bishop passed away. It happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly that it took almost a year to fully process and then another year to actually grieve. So much has happened in that two years. Visiting with my Mamaw today, the eve of Papaw's death anniversary, brought so many un-expected emotions. Maybe that is the reason why I needed to come back to this place, to process some of those emotions through writing. He was such a huge part of my life (and I could (and probably will) write a whole page dedicated to his memory) but one of the hardest parts of losing him has been watching my Mamaw navigate life without him. When two people are married for almost 60 years, that's a lifetime of memories, habits, comfort, security and love.
Today, as I was visiting with my Mamaw, I was reminded of two things. One, the power of love and two, the healing power of grief. To feel the sadness that Mamaw feels in the loss of my Papaw means that she loved deeply. How lucky is she to have experienced a love like that. Love never ends, even in death. Grief is a little less gentle but if we allow ourselves to experience it, in full, it has the power to heal our deepest wounds.
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