Little Miracles
Last night, I was sitting in the baby's room, looking through old pictures of Colton and thinking back on my pregnancy with him and his first months of life. There are days when I feel like that baby is long gone, but every once in a while he will give me a look, expression or a reaction that says "here I am Mommy, here's your baby".
I have so many emotions during this second pregnancy. Every aspect of this one has been different. I start to feel sorry for myself as I think of all the "hardship" that this pregnancy has brought me. The horrible test results, the weight gain, the sickness, the heat, the heartburn, the swelling (that has already started) and on and on and on. Then, I go straight to feeling guilty for even having those thoughts. How dare I complain when I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to experience this again!?!? God has blessed me with another precious bundle to care for and when I really think about it, it brings tears and I'm truly humbled.
I think partly because I know we have another baby on the way, and partly because Colton is so stinking independent, I can feel myself getting to that "tipping point" with him. That point where I'm (not ready but) willing to let go of the "baby" and ready to embrace this independent little "boy" he's becoming. I know he's still a toddler (to some, a baby) and that we have "several" years before school and all that comes with that, but I think about how incredibly fast these 2.5 years have gone. I know that when I blink, the other 2.5 will be just a memory too. I guess I just want to mentally prepare myself so that I can enjoy the experience and not just ache to have time back.
Life, as a parent, is hard. Being a SAHM is a lot harder than I ever imagined. I tend to count all the hard days. Those days where C won't really listen, or he is in a bad mood, or we just have meltdowns or things just don't go "right". Those days tend to overshadow the really great days. The days where he bring me books and "reads" me the stories. The days where he sings, counts and says his ABC's. The days when he says "thank you, please and I love you Mommy". The days where I fail terribly as a Mom and apologize and he says "it's okay Mommy".
There's a lot of sacrifice and heartache but I never knew what the love of a Mother was, until I had this little man. I knew my Mom loved me (I've never doubted it for a second of my life) but I had NO IDEA just how much. I look at that little boy and I see so much innocence, potential, goodness, determination, emotion, compassion and pure honesty and there are days where I can only stare at him and thank God that He trusted me to be his Mommy. So even during the really hard/crazy/emotional days, I'm blessed beyond measure and when I close my eyes at night, I thank God for BOTH of these little miracles in my life.
I have so many emotions during this second pregnancy. Every aspect of this one has been different. I start to feel sorry for myself as I think of all the "hardship" that this pregnancy has brought me. The horrible test results, the weight gain, the sickness, the heat, the heartburn, the swelling (that has already started) and on and on and on. Then, I go straight to feeling guilty for even having those thoughts. How dare I complain when I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to experience this again!?!? God has blessed me with another precious bundle to care for and when I really think about it, it brings tears and I'm truly humbled.
I think partly because I know we have another baby on the way, and partly because Colton is so stinking independent, I can feel myself getting to that "tipping point" with him. That point where I'm (not ready but) willing to let go of the "baby" and ready to embrace this independent little "boy" he's becoming. I know he's still a toddler (to some, a baby) and that we have "several" years before school and all that comes with that, but I think about how incredibly fast these 2.5 years have gone. I know that when I blink, the other 2.5 will be just a memory too. I guess I just want to mentally prepare myself so that I can enjoy the experience and not just ache to have time back.
Life, as a parent, is hard. Being a SAHM is a lot harder than I ever imagined. I tend to count all the hard days. Those days where C won't really listen, or he is in a bad mood, or we just have meltdowns or things just don't go "right". Those days tend to overshadow the really great days. The days where he bring me books and "reads" me the stories. The days where he sings, counts and says his ABC's. The days when he says "thank you, please and I love you Mommy". The days where I fail terribly as a Mom and apologize and he says "it's okay Mommy".
There's a lot of sacrifice and heartache but I never knew what the love of a Mother was, until I had this little man. I knew my Mom loved me (I've never doubted it for a second of my life) but I had NO IDEA just how much. I look at that little boy and I see so much innocence, potential, goodness, determination, emotion, compassion and pure honesty and there are days where I can only stare at him and thank God that He trusted me to be his Mommy. So even during the really hard/crazy/emotional days, I'm blessed beyond measure and when I close my eyes at night, I thank God for BOTH of these little miracles in my life.
Memories flooded over me reading this, Renee! And yes, every day is a blessing...hard to see those little glimpses on some days. Loved this...love you...and those little bundles you've been given! God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. Hugs!!!!
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